**BEAUTIFUL MISTAKE**///

Monday, August 30, 2004

hahs at charms house now..using her com to blog. gosh m so god damn proud of myself ehs!! i actually studied today..hmm did soci e whole day. finished my tutorials n read a few readgs n chapts of mcNeill bk. im lyk damn proud of myself lah*beams* hahs but wats e actual amt of info tt got into my head's another issue altogether.*grins* watever..i studied. her house's damn nice to study lah..quiet n comfortable. it'll b my "library" frm now on!!too bad e rest cant join us todae..miss them. but i guess its gd in e way tt if evryone's present..we'll not study alr. :) charmx did maths n she asked me how ta do some qns but i swear hahs i didnt know wat she was askg..my sec4 maths is lyk all returned to my "beloved" tcher R.Lee lah! hahs sorrie ger wasnt much of a help dere ehs. but i still love u no matter wat hahs silly ger she was lyk whining "u dnt wna help me??u dnt love mi alr lors.." hahs i was lyk "ehs how can u define love lyk tt?" hahs reminds me of wat Aveline said tt dae too..ehs u gers can b gd fwens man..same type of mentality. *sigh* hv sch tmr agn..i dread tues cos its soci..i think its a rli "chim" sub tt im resistg it. urghss..

jst went to read avelinedear's blog n i sense her confused mood..i know life isnt e way u want it rite now my dear but jst bear w it. dere will alws b a rainbow aft evry storm so meanwhile jst b tough n hang in dere till e storm is over. i know ur strong enuf to weather evry storm tt comes ur way. i'll b ur raincoat or shelter to protect u frm getg wet n weather e storm w u. u'll nv walk alone. *love u* wish ta c e beautiful smile back onto ur face. *hugs*

rightss gg home soon to catch my man u's match at seven. think i'll die w/o soccer man!! ohh jst found out tt my cousin is ntu hall 12 hall queen ehs..proud of her!!! hope ur well jac.missed gg out w u..luvya!! wndr whn i'll nxt c u but ur alws in my mind!!

to *u*: u didnt msg me todae..i feel weird. actually im scared of losing u too but my heart n mind doesnt tell me the same thg. i gotta admit i feel rather lost too..i look forward to ur mags n calls mayb im not used to it yet..a sudden change of not hearg frm u. i know im hurtg u n im rli sorrie abt it.but i dntkw wat to do oso..time will tell n heal e wounds.hope u aint as in pain as e "bimbos" tell me u r.be strong.*loveu*

*Perfect Love, Perfect Friend*

**Because you are my love,

I know the joy that comes from feeling closer to someone than I've ever felt before.

Because you are my love,

I know the passion of wanting to share everything I have,

everything I am with you and only you.

Because you are my friend,

I know that I can count on youto hold my hand through the rough times

and to be there to share the good times,too.

Because you are my friend,

I'll always have someoneto make me smile;j

ust when I need it most,

to encourage me when I'm feelingconfused or doubtful.

And I know that I must be one of the luckiest people in the world

to have someone like you-

the perfect love,the perfect friend**

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Sunday, August 29, 2004

"Your smile is one of warmth and love,
for you are a very special person,
when I needed arms to hug me
you held them open to me
and made me feel secure and safe.
You do the small things that mean so much,
and for this I thank you.
God smiled on me by giving you to me.
Did I ever tell you how much I love you
for I think of you with such fond thoughts and memories."

*u send this a couple of daes ago. n thks fer being sucha sweetie. its jst a waste tt ur giving me n not other person ur love. im not worth..rli im not.anw, thks fer being so sweet n patient w me. ur rli one in a million. i thk god tt ur given to me.*

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

didn't go out w my family todae thou its a family dae. jst cant b bothered aft ydae's fight w my dad. instead i angered him further n chosse to hang out w my dearie *bimbos* hahs they r rli my darlings ehs..*love all of u babiees* suezzie,jings,jan,kris n weix. thks fer being dere fer mi. hahs thou im lyk e oldest ard i dnt feel it. *gosh* instead i felt young among u gers hahs thks fer not askg her to come. i think its still not e rite time to meet her? alot of thgs still nids deeper thinkg n sortg out..so gimme time.i dnt wna hurt anyone here too. trust me k? silly jings..went ta get a pretty crystal dolphin figurine fer her bf's mom's bdae but found out aft buyg tt its not her bf's mom but dad's bdae!! *laughs* tt figurine's way too girl fer him rite?damn blur ehs jings..time to change..but uve been lyk this all these while!! had fun w e gers..miss u gers so much!!! *muaxx* my pillars of emotions in this journey of mine. thks angels. muz meet up more often. lovee love u all!!
suezzie said:" ger, stop mkg this difficult fer both of u. in e end ur hurtg not only one but both of u. i dunno wat ur thinkg abt now n dunno wats holdg u back but i know one thg..tt is to follow ur heart n it'll never b wrg. sadness n pain wont brg u happiness but i know true love can.true love conquers evthg tt comes in e way." dearie ths a mil..i promise i'll think abt it. i'm glad ur dere to tok me thru my fatigue mind w confused thoughts. iloveu. ur a true fwen fer both of us. thks fer helpg me tk care of *u know hu*
to *janice* hey swts..thks ger sendg me a msg to put a smile baq to my face. it means alot. may dads r all so insensitive n bad in expressing their love fer us..im sure one dae u'll c his love fer u. i still believe they love us but its jst e way they show their love is diff frm other dads? treat it s they're unique? i dunno tts how i try to cheer myself up by tellg myself tt he loves me but i dunno how to appreciate it. one dae i guess i will. til den..i'll jst kip waitg. u dnt think too much k uve ur fwens here to hold u thru life. so deres nthg to b afraid of. uve got me to count on forever n a day. loveu!!
to *u* : i know im being unfair to u. im rli sorrie my dear. but its hard it rli is. pls understand..im tryg rli hard. but thks fer loving me. but mayb we're jst not meant to be?? wish u well.

++When your looking at the stars,
in the eternal blue,
remember that each star out there,
is a reason why I love you
and when you think your alone,
and when no one is there at all
i'll be right in front of you,
to catch you when you fall++

**Your love awakens my heart adoring the passionate feeling,
tasting your innocent dreams each moment you are in my mind.
They say that thoughts of others only happen so often yet I think of you every second.
Somedays I just watch you rest,
only because you are at peace....
because you bring my heart to peace for I know that loving you is the best choice I have ever made in life.
Nothing compares to what feelings you bring me.
Nothing can change the way I feel for you
and nothing will ever get in the way of my love for you.
Even though there are days the sun seems not to shine,
always know it does, in our hearts now and forever more.
Together we have opened up the paths of loves journey as we walk as one.
Take my hand and walk with me down the path of life,
for it is a love of true romance.
A love of two hearts as one.
Faithfully and honestly I am yours.
It is said you can not give someone the world only happiness,
Yet, you have given me the world for you are my world.
You are everything, my life, my love, my eternity, my hopes, I could go on and on.
Yet, I think I have said the many things I wish to say.
Just know that I love you with all of my hearts content
and I will always be here for you forever.
I love you**--is love rli this sweet?-- i dnt know but i jst love my darling angels ard me.bossie loves u all forever!!
++muaxx++

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Saturday, August 28, 2004

im super super PISSED n IRRITATED!!! my dad jst scolded me outta sudden n im bloody pissed!! y raise ur voice at me evry time whn im at hm dis wk? u told me ta b hm more often ta spend more time w u guys but ur e one driving me awae now..ur black face n impatience jst drives me awae further n further. u dnt trust me..u dnt..alws qns me y m i not in sch..u alws think tt im not attendg sch faithfully. cant u jst trust me alil for goodness sake!!! im alr 19 stop treatg mi lyk im nine!!!! i didnt talk back i jst kept quiet whn u kept firing at me.. jst wat fckg wrg did i do?? i kept quiet cos u dnt listen u alws dnt..i find it so hard to talk to u.. i know im not e daughter u love most..in fact e least..im e useless one to u. alws e one who throw ur face..but do i wan it this way? dnt i feel dwn whn i cant get into uni? dnt i feel sad whn i didnt do well in O's n psle?? ur e only dad i heard who refused to tok to his daughter fer a mth cos of her results!! u know tt? my fwens did worst than me but their dad encouraged them, comfort them..be dere fer them. but u? u gave me cold shoulder n mk me cry whnever i do badly..i hate myself fer doing badly..isnt emotional sadness n guiltiness enuf a punishment fer me? u will nv try to understand...u jst keep thinkg ur right..nv listen to us. only mom's dere to listen to comfort. i cant tk it anymore..ur jst so unreasonable tt i wna break awae..dnt force me to scream "i hate you" straight at ur face..i dnt wna break ur heart..but stop breaking mine. jst wats wrg w u?? i dnt understand. no one does. im tired of fightg..u think ur alws rite so b it. i dnt wna tok to u fer now.. we'll jst blow up agn. lock myself in e rm so u wun c my face! happiee? i cried not bcos of sadness but its cos im angry n hurt by u. ur nv dere fer me lyk other dads. *never*

didnt go fer YEN meetg this morn cos wasnt feelg well..aveline oso didnt mk it cos she went clubg till this morn. *shake head* wat a "good" ger..anws thks dear fer askg me how was i feelg jst now..guess pain jst washed awae my sickness?? loveu ger..*hugs* alws will. muz tkcr of urself k u lyk so weak lah..im glad u seem happier these daes..hope e dark clouds r blown awae alr. alws here fer u.

*sigh* dnt tink deres soccer to wtch this wk n *cross-fingers* forever. its my fav past time fer wkends nites. now wat m i gonna do on nites of wkends?? this isnt fair at all to football fans!! im angry!! *growl growl* jst feel lyk screamg my head off!!! money jst mk dis world n evryone ugly. if i can rule e world..e 1st thg i will do is to get rid of money in the whole world!! lets go back to BARTER TRADE!!!! hahs..money isnt evthg!! can anyone understand?!!

its jst a bloody hot n bad day!! jst cant smile..nthg seem to b funny or amusing..no wndr i lyk sweet flavours lyk vanilla n strawberry..cos my life's bitter. *urghss* im bloody pissed!!! *screamg fer help*

to *u*: i dnt know wat else to say..i thot ive erased u n our past but izzit true? m i deceiving myself?? i dntknow wat to do. i dntknow how to think anymore. in times lyk todae..e 1st person i tink of is u. wat does it mean? im confused. i dntknow wats my heart n mind r tellg me. rli i dnt. imissu.

*shall lock myself in e room e whole nite. dntwna c e world n face my dad*

++I'll lend you my shoulder for you to cry on,

my ears to listen to,

my hand for you to hold,

my feet to walk with you,

but I can't lend you my heart coz it already belongs to you.++

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Friday, August 27, 2004

gosh!! its a tiring n long day!! decided to go fer econs lect aft my ibm lect todae instead of tmr cos think im gg fer YEN meetg tmr. anw its more fun ta go on fri econs instead of sat's one cos deres much more pple i know. xuex, karen, karmene, ruiting, janice, karen-yen-, wendy(ah haos fwen), darius, sean, alwin n "finally appear" adrian frm my og..compared to my sat's econs..deres no one i know!!! :( but econs itself was horrible!! its suckg dry all my brain juices i swear!! its so god damn complicated n confusing tt evryone jst went quiet n confused aft awhile..Ting was askg us do we understand but no one answered hahs cos i think we were too lost. but i guess i understand..muz go revise surely. he's rli a gd lecturer i muz say. adding humour whn evryone was concentratg rli hard n seemed v stressed up. he said sthg lyk "got qns ask me dnt ask ur fwens ltr ur fwens dnt know oso den e blind leads e blind..evryone will go blind!!" hahs everyone jst bursted out laughg. gotta say..todae's lect was rli tough to understand. its confusing. all e diff graphs r lyk killg my precious brain cells! hahs M.I.A Adrian was sitg behind me w his fwen n his fwen was lost halfway thru den Adrian explained to him hahs they're lyk a step slower than Ting n in e end whn we finished one qns alr they still doing it. hahs :) in e end both of them got lost n dey got so pissed..hahs tts wat u call "e blind leadg e blind"..they were damn funny.
ibm lect was a torture cos we went thru a few tough tutorial qns n all of us nv study so didnt know how to ans..Nageb got qte irritated i muz say..didnt know ibm's rli so tough..rli gotta study alr..so darling fwens who wans ta study pls call me out too ya? i muz say e business world's rli so complicated..n if one wans ta b a manager..it'll be so tough..so many competencies he or she must have to b one. but its not impossible..nthg is impossible. had fun w lina tt silly ger..hahs kept laughg at Nageb's silly actions..hahs but im glad ta hear her tell me tt she's undergoing a period of transition. hahs i know u can do it!! :)
todae tt so called fwen was in both of my lects..concluded tt rli she's not a worthy fwen. so cant b bothered w her anymore. not worth being hurt or angered by superficial pple lyk her. pple lyk these jst mk this world an ugly pl. *growl*
have YEN meetg tmr but dnt know if my og's gg..siti, sherry, darius all not gg..wndr if aveline, sean, adrian gg or not. but deres still pple i know dere so it may not b so bad?? its sat morn agn!!! :(
im glad tt love is still ard whn my aunt called to ask mt dad how was his body checkup results. thou we may not c each other often n they do not express their love fer each other..they'll do lil thgs which show they care fer each other n their siblings' love. i think e greatest love of all in this world is family love? its so true n warm. im glad to hv a complete family. not perfect cos nthg's in dis world's perfect..but a complete one w love. thks dad, mom n my two sisters. iloveu!! *muaxx* to me, love btw fwens r special n impt too. fwens r usually e ones we approach whn we hv sorrows n share our laughters whn deres joy. im glad ta hv my darling fwens w mi thru my journey of life. iloveu all so much!! bossie's alws a call away if ever u feel lonely or troubled. uve my shoulder to cry on. *love is all ard*

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Thursday, August 26, 2004

it was a rli fun day ydae..thou maths was horrible.was practically lukg at e clock e whole time n c time flew by..brain had not warmed up yet.was glad to sit w junz,jaq n alwin.it was fun..we were lukg at each others' hps hahs cos e topic e lecturer was teachg, we've learnt b4. aft lect went fer lunch w jaq,her fren alwin n my YEN "general" Sean hahs tt guy is so crappy!! den met corinne n sherry (hahs exactly e same name s my cj class sherry).we had a fun lunch tog..den jaq n alwin had to go fer lect.e 4 of us went ta e library ta get sum studyg done. sean said he wanted to go to e library fer e 1st time to smell e pl n e bks hahs isnt he crappy of wat? all of us had a YEN meeting at 415pm (Young Entrepreneur Network) *hey im rli gonna be a bigboss lors!! :)* but hahs tt stupid Sean jst went in 20mins to smell e pl n act studyg den he left ta study w aveline. he said library cannot talk v boring. hahs come on lors its studyg time "general"!! aft he left, i fell aslp in e library w corinne, sherry n their fwen Nixon (they call him Nikon hahs cos his name sounded like e camera brand). slept fer an hr..was super tired..slept only 2hrs e previous nite.

@4 we left fer YEN's Annual General Meeting. it was fun. we heard a talk abt how to be an entrepreneur nxt time..n e projects we'll all b doing to learn to b a business pple in future. glad tt sherry (my class T8) n "fernijen" decided to join YEN hahs actually its me who pulled Sherry to join. she said tt it was a new experience cos she nv joined a club like cca b4. *cheers* both of them r in our BOURBON grp alr!!! our og's lyk so pathetic la..only like hv Aveline, General Sean, Siti n me lors Darius n Adrian like all M.I.A :( hey Aveline dun b a traitor n come baq to our grp!!! anw toked to Yongching in e bus baq hm n he was actually a nice guy la..u nid to rli sit dwn n tok to him den u'll know. he isnt tt bad aft all. try to get to know him better n come back to our grp lehs..it'll be fun too!!! anw he said tt he'll arrange an outg w Zimin fer a outg fer Bourbon n Barcardi. had a grt time w my og.. :) put Sean n Siti tog..one'll laugh until can die hahs they're our "Mr n Mrs Strategy" damn funny!! we signed up a couple of projects n rli lukg forward to them!

we signed up fer YEN bizarre, Golf session (cos in future u wan to entertain ur clients u nid to know how to play), pushcart business n a couple of talks abt investments n how to b ur own boss. i mean isnt it interestg?! these will b a step towards my dream of being a "REAL" boss!! aft signing up n purchase of tshirts we made our way hm. Margaret asked if i wld lyk to go w her fer dinner but sorry ger i had to b baq fer dinner..my dad's rli unhappy abt me tt im alws not at hm..hahs ydae nite whn i came baq he lyk scolded me fer no reason lors.. "why u whole day not a t home one..this isnt a hotel okie!! n ur big enuf alr i cant bother so much alr..u better reflect on urself!" my mommy as usual so sweet..she rebuked on him..sayg "wat did she do wrg? she busy tts why wat! crazy!!" opps!! i was like sayg to myself "sorrie its my fault"..aft dinner, bathed n evthg n was ready to get sum studyg done while wtchg Amazing Race. i swear i DETEST colin n christy!! i wan them to lose but y r they alws 1st?!!! they r so bitchy!! y cant e police officer jst sent both of them to jail?!!! i love Chip n Kim they're so nice pple..tt i hate to c them lose. lyk Brandon alot too he's a swit guy. didnt get outta my rm at all cos didnt wna piss my dad off agn..*sigh*

gg off soon to hv lunch w sherry dear..hahs luv gg out w her..it feels so free.. love u dear ger n hope u'll hv fun in YEN..we'll hv fun tog!!! i'll help u get ta know e pple..evryone's nice dere..okie gtg now or i'll b late..we're gg fer GENKIS KHAN lunch!!! :)

love my og n all my dearie fwens!!! thks sharon babe fer helpg me w e "archives" thgy!! iloveyou!!!

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

*happiee birthday to my yings darling!!!*

its darrie yings bday todae!!went cafe cartel ta celebrate her big day..thou dere were only 3of us..it felt gd.we enjoyed ourselves alot thou im sure if wenny n hannie came too..it wld hv been much more FUN!!!hey gers how long hv we not met up??have you both lyk forget abt us or sthg?? anw..3of us shared 2plates of yummy ribs..well 1plate was overcooked n we left it all to e bdae ger to finish hahass..it has been a long time since e 3of us met up tog..rli miss those times tt we wld jst meet in twn aft sch n hang out..dearie clique..rem our "evry fridae" outg??i miss cliques outgs..wenny n hannie can u gers STOP being busy?!!

aft main course we ordered this huge sundae dessert..its called TROPICAL BOMB or sthg lyk tt. it was gd thou. yup so tts our simple but quality time tog..half the clique only thou. gave yings dear a hell lot of prez..nike bottle n towel set.hahs ive e blue one n she got e orange one.. :) den dere was 2necklaces..a black one..yes a black special kinda chain w a pretty butterfly pendant.i loved it once i saw it..it was sthg lyk love at first sight hahs thou it was kinda one-sided.hahs.auntie said its nice so i bot it.another necklace was frm bits n pieces.oso gave her a foto frame w our clique foto n this lovely stars thgy fer her to hang it in her hostel.dearie hope u had a grt time n a beautiful bdae.lyk we did. asteedarrie i missed you.so happiee to c u tonight. *huggiess* love both of my darlings!!! *muaxxx*

aft dinner we went bodyshop ta get moonflower powder fer e bdae ger. hahs e silly ger said tt e powder is fer times whn she has no time ta bathe...hahs so pple out dere whn u c her w glittery powder u better dnt go near her!! +grinss+ loveee love u yings dear.we'll b e bestest buddies foreva n a dae!!!!

had soci lect todae hahs was totally "out" of e lect..can't get athg into my head.xuex calls her "zoey tay" i cant seem ta get her point..anw cant join xuex,karen n fernijen fer study session..hahs (jennifer's new nick cos she mixed my names up w xuex)-growls-so in e end we called her "fernijen"..it was xuex idea. :) *thumbs up*

tmr's maths..*groans* hate tt lecturer..can't seem to hear him at all..he's a scottish n alws wear his "wednesday" suit..haha it was janice who noticed it n called it his "weds" suit.anw tkcr jan dear..drink more water yup!!

weee...can c junz,jaq,karen,aveline n many more tmr fer maths..miss u guys..anw jaq..i nv felt sad or watsoever whn u didnt go ta e yen camp w mi..ur not obliged to do so..silly ger..iloveu s much..missed those chinese lessons durg sec4 whn we'll kip tokg w/o hearg wat "wu da bao" gotta say hahs..miss u!!

came baq hm n felt tt dad wasnt in a grt mood tonight..did i mk him pissed?oppss. sorrie daddy if u were crossed w mi cos of my late nites hm this few wks..i promise i'll spend more time at hm w u guys..iloveyou!!love my mommy,sisters n my lovely maid!!ur e best maid in this world..sad to c u leaving soon..ur rli e best..those who came my pl b4 know exactly wat im tokg abt..loveu marie!!!missing my lil lucy loads... :(

dntkw y..i missed him so much todae..mayb its cos i saw sumone who looked so much lyk u todae n memories of u came flowing baq. wndr how've u been..how're u w ur ger..ur e 1st guy who i seriously lyked before..aft tt hug..which seemed so long ago..i knew i had more than a crush on you..but i dntkw y we suddenly drifted apart aft 1st 3mths..we were lyk so close n all..till todae i still cant understand. but loving a person doesnt mean possessing him..im glad ur so happiee w her.u told me b4 u wanted a longlastg love n im happy u got it.wish u all the best..rem e "heartshaped" seashell?its still w me..i bet uve long forgot abt it n i may nv mean athg to u b4 but im happy tt once in my lifetime i got ta know sumone lyk u.ur special personality attracted me so much...tt mayb i'll nv forget u. i may nv c u agn..u may hv long forget abt me..but u'll alws b in my hart.

to *u*: i'm sorrie im doing these hurtful thgs to u but i wan u ta let go.pls understand. it hurts me too but i jst gotta do this..i'll only mt up w u only whn i feel rite..i hope u'll study hard n carry on.im alws here but not tt way u wan it.i think i can nv do tt agn. *sorrie*

nites to evryone who knows me..loveu darling fwens..yings,astee,sharondarr, auntie, amanda(imissu ger), sherry,ah haos,junx,yunxie,cindy,lala,cel, aveline n many more..

+I have found that I have fallen madly in love with you and I want to keep your love forever. Each time that I am around you I beGin to get a tremendous feelinG inside that I just can not control. I do not know what it is....But, I like it! I never want it to Go away!

Ever since I have met you something has become of my world. I find myself thinkinG of you every second of every minute of ever hour of every day. You are truely some kind of wonderful that has somehow fallen into my life. {ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT AN ANGEL?) I feel like I am the luckiest person in the world to have You!

I assure you I will never deny the feelinGs that I have for you for they are stronger than I could ever imaGine. I used to think that true LOVE was only in the movies.......Then I fell in love with you.

OK, I will Get to the point......I AM HOLDING YOUR HEART FOR RANSOM!!!!!!!!I swear that while I have it, it will be well taken care of. It will not be hurt or harmed in anyway nor will it be broken. I will Give it the love and tenderness that it deserves.+

*isnt this sweet?* -ilovemy angels-

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Sunday, August 22, 2004

gosh cant believe im stuck at home hvg to entertain relatives while my darling 4grace gers r hvg fun at marche class outg!!!hope u gers r hvg a grt time!!!iloveyou 4grace!!mary dearie ur leaving fer london on 26th sept..i hope i can c u b4 u leave..i rli miss u.ur laughters n "jenny wawa"hahas...sec four life was grt bcos of u n hui..thks dear.iloveu.jing too..imissu my dear swimmer...rem we composed a song ourselves in sec4 using R.Kelly's -I Believe i can fly-??those were the daes...i rli miss stnicks!!!i miss 4grace!!-groans-miss cheong..hope ur well.

had econs lect ydae n lecturer asked us wat do u consider fwens as?"normal or inferior gds"? he told us sthg rli interestg..he said treasure ur fwens now..fwens u gotta know durg our education yrs r true fwens...fwens,u will depend on ur whole life. fwens u'll grow old with. thus these type of fwens r normal gds. when u come out to e real world, whn evryone wans to b the best..compete to b number one..u will find it real hard to find true fwens.."real" fwens..deres only one top position in ur company..evryone will b competing w each other fer tt only one position..u think pple will b so nice to help u to achieve the common aim of "tt position"??no one will b so nice to help u achieve e aims similar to his..so fwens u get ta noe in wkg society r "inferior gds"..i wndr if tts true. but he sounded so right..so logical.at least now durg our studyg yrs..thou we've e same aims of scoring A's..deres so many A's fer so many pple to get it..not only one.we wanna do well but at e same time we can help fwens who r weaker to achieve her A's oso cos dere's so many A's 2b achieved by diff pple..so true fwens can b found. my lecturer claimed tt many of his fwens, lawyers, doctors etc "all dont wna know me alr.. bcos they're scared tt i'll go borrow $ frm them or even tk e advantage of their wealth.." i think its qte rite..rli whn one gets rich n more powerful will they still associate so much w us the normal n not so well to do pple? i thought.."the real world hurts."

he oso talked abt "law of diminishg marginal utility" utility=satisfaction. basically it means tt whn one get more of e same thg e amt of personal satisfaction lowers..he gave e eg of "7yrs itch" of marriage...he said tt 1st yr marriage will alws be e switest..den s daes go by e satisfaction one gets frm marriage often dwindle...den comes the 7th yr.. dere may not be any satisfaction left..i mean isnt tt cool? i nv thot econs will b so interestg tt u can link it w our evrydae personal lives. :) thinkg of majoring in econs..he's sucha gd lecturer..appreciate him.

cant believe she lost agn!!!she wasnt even tryg..was so disappointed..but i knew she'll jst breakdwn in e end..i wasn't proud of her thou evryone claims they will. i mean come on la..she can do so bloody much better lors but she disappointed us agn n agn even w/o tryg n fightg spirit..yup wasnt proud of her thou majority said she done us proud.wer's e spirit??

no sch tmr...but gotta prepare tutorials n ying's prez..her bdae's on tues. woah e PM has been tokg non stop frm 8pm to now..hahas longwinded man..he said sthg jst now.. "we must change.bcos the world is changing.." its so rite..we muz rli change our attitudes,overcome setbacks in life n move on.we've got sucha bright future ahead..its jst how we're gg to face it n mk it s perfect s we can. family n fwens will b dere to help us along..to rely on. once agn..iloveu my darling angel fwens!!!-muaxxx-

**iloveyou to those who love me** -a story-

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea.

"I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested. "I know, but you also love her." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded. " Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment then said "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. my mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu to her. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entree, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor," I responded. During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each others lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."

At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and giving our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family and friends. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off 'til "some other time". Someone once said "I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I think this is true with your in-laws, grandchildren, sisters, brothers and your friends. Anyone that means something to you-you should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to you as often as you can.-lovemy darlings forever-

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Friday, August 20, 2004

had a mixed feelgs dae todae..felt rli empty n hurt by pple i call fwens..is e young generation of spore rli so superficial??so fake....xuex told mi tt this is e real world.e world's changing...loyalty is past tense..evthg's a sum kinda facade..u hardly c "real" pple ard anymore.at tt moment of time i totally agreed..she said tt jst treat fwens ard u e way u wld wan them to treat u.i did.i swear to god i did.but wat did i get in return?jst throw me aside wen i took so much efforts to mk sure they feel a sense of belonging in SIM cos they nv rli took part in any camps b4 sch thus not knowg much pple ard..i helped.if i'm in e same lect s her i'll ask her to come sit w me n my frens...mk sure she wun feel lonely.but wat did she do?jst throw me alone whn she saw her fwens...i was like "wat e fck!dis is how u treat me??" i was more hurt than angry..thou she kept sayg she was sorrie ta jst leave mi alone i know she wasnt sincere at all...at tt pt of time i suddenly cant rem or dntkw wats e meang of friends...can someone tell me?i felt i was being used cos i was being too nice?e same kinda of feelg i gt 2yrs ago wen a frenship of almost 9yrs sank...felt hurt..rli hurt...i ask myself y bother being so nice whn no one appreciates u?i felt i was rli silly..a big bloody fool!!2yrs ago i felt rli betrayed..totally shattered by her n wat happened to our frenship.i cldnt stand up but luckily fer me i found another best fwen...dear u know who u r..i thank u fer helpg me thru tt horrible yr..thanks to my lilclique who helped me live agn...who lent me ur shoulders weneva i broke dwn n cry in classes..thks to amanda n jillyn...thks to yings dear,asteedarr, wenny n hannie swts...these were my true frens.i love u gers..w/o u angels i think i'll nv walked out of tt nightmarish period of life.i got hurt so badly...i gt a phobia in frenships aft tt..i cldnt trust anyone cos i was afraid of being hurt agn...it was heartbreakg..but fortunately i smiled agn...thou i lost a best fwen i gained another one.if thgs btw me n her didnt happen..i mite not hv found my darrie bestie..u know who u r..so mayb its a blessing in disguise.i finally knew e meaning of this.-sigh-in e real world todae..deres so many pple out dere who r so fake..so bitchy n jerky...tt sumxs i jst hope i wasnt born.it hurts so much jst by living in dis world todae.everyone's competing agst each other..hoping to b number one..but is number one rli alws e best?is perfection rli means e world to everyone??is the best=happiness??wer is e love?wer is real love?
managed to catch "Stepford's wives" w ah haox todae.it was qte gd..i shld say its a "can-watch"type of movie.so go catch it if ur craving fer a movie.basically it toks abt humans wantg perfection...get e best wives,best love...a perfect world.but does perfection necessarily alws means good?i thot abt it..if evthg n everione is perfect...the world will be the same everywhere!!!no matter if ur in USA,Japan,australia,brazil,uk or msia or even spore!!!wens everyone's perfect it means perfect looks,character n watsoeva...but doesnt eveeryone's definition of perfection e same?den e whole world will b filled w same looking pple..no fa pple,no ugly pple..is this called perfection?dnt u feel bored aft awhile??everywhere u go u'll c e same thgs..nthg to compare watsoeva...life'll b boring..evthg gotta b different so one will treasure more wen better thgs come their way.in ibm lect todae...my lecturer Mr Nageb taught us abt companies wishg fer "the best solutions in evthg" but "we can't have the best thgs in e world...so we go for the nxt best decision called satificing decision" i was thinkg abt it n realised how true it was...we can't have e best in the world...so we settle fer e nxt best.he oso said sthg tt made me think hard...he said loyalty amongst pple r in e past...it doesnt exist anymore in todae's world..esp in companies.no matter how long uve wked fer e company...u can b retrenched tmr..oh man..why is e world lyk that now??i felt rotten aft lect...didnt understand y has e world changed so much.i was tired.
but my dae was brightened up by ah hao n her fwen,wendy.met them fer lunch at megabites. it lightened my mood alil..didnt meet krisstel in e end fer lunch...im sorrie ger...i'll c u nxt wk.-muacks-went dwn twn ta catch movie w ah hao..she said she was in e mood fer sum comedy..so we decided on "Stepford's wives" i guess it was okie.it made mi think of alot of thgs abt life.thks ah hao fer suggestg it!! :) aft movie went ta walk ard cos ah hao wanna get clothes..in e end she bot a nice green top frm zara.was glad ta met sharon darling at taka w her dearie aaron...gd to c them so happy tog..haha dear ah i rli can see u both getg married n form a family..im serious.all the best darr.iloveyou!!!-muacks-i know i can depend on u to lift me up wen im dwn...thks a mil!!!
sigh...still have sch tmr...n no one's gg w me.. :( janice has driving n xuex decided to crash todae's lect...im all alone!!!-growls-sch has been okie...pple so far majority r nice.but m i seeing their trueselves?im not so sure yet...but i know majority of them r nice pple..karen, janice, aveline,xueping , karen frm my soci class, jennifer, ann marie, calvin, sean, etc etc they're nice pple...hope our frenships will continue to blossom over the yrs...hold on to it!!
aft readg my entry i guess u guys got e meaning whn i said i had a mixed feelgs dae...but e dae gt better s it passes...whn i came baq..i felt e love frm my family..a swt feelg in my heart.im glad im home.dad,mom,sis,jamie...iloveyou!!!hope tmr will b a gd dae fer me...i'll treasure evthg ive now.i wun ask fer e best in e world but e best i can achieve n e best frm pple ard me.i love you angels.lucydearie...hope ur well.imissu so much darling..adelia swts hope ur fine.imissu tonnes!!!-tight hug-tkcr
"an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.to forgive will b the greatest liberation to one's heart."

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Thursday, August 19, 2004

jst realise tt time rli pass so fast wen uve an off dae.didnt hv sch todae went fer facial n went ta buy sum stuffs at j8.haha my facial lady said my face was so dirty-embarrassed-den i realised i didnt go fer jst a mth.but gotta admit was hvg a plantation growing so out of controlly tt i didnt wna face e world haha.but luckily its all gone now.i feel so clean n i can face e world agn!! :) aft tt went ta walk ard tryg ta find sum prez..actually my dae was boring.haha actually was suppose to mt up w jan n suezzie but sorrie gers i wasnt rli feelg well.gt tummy aches e whole dae n i didnt even eat anthg todae!-groans-didnt do much todae so lets me tell u abt ydae..
it was a fruitful dae.managed to catch up with sharon n yings darries.i missed them.it has been a mth since we last met i think..both of u r my besties n iloveu both forever n a dae!-tight hug-u both mean so much to me tt i dnt know wat will i bcum w/o both of u w me.my darlings forever!! had a grt time w both of them. met sharon darr fer lunch at ikea..we had so much fun thou we only sat dwn n tok n laugh.haha..sharon hope u'll alws rem abt e "chee chong fun" n "my mommy" incidents haha...oh n i tell u pple one thg..sharon's like a big water barrel man..while we were there she drank like 10 cups of water?!!!im serious la!!den ltr e silly ger complained tt she's bloated.duh!!! :) aft lunch we walked ard to get fotoframes.den darr gotta rush fer tuition. :( but thou we had only like 3hrs tog..i felt contented.it was quality time spent tog in e midst of our busy schedules.thks dear fer brging so much colours n laughter into my life.-muackks-thks fer doing so much fer me..u made this blog possible n so nice tt im so touched.to all...my sharon darling helped mi so much w this blog.basically evthg!iloveyou ger...tonnes!!! aft ikea..went to queensway to meet yings swts.another bestest fwen n most impt fwen in my life..(of course includes sha darr too) went to buy nike bottle n towel fer yings s my "special prez" to her fer bday.its lyk our own culture to get each other another prez apart frm e one we give s clique prez.. :) n may it continue foreva!!den went fer dinner opp queensway.ive got ta say it serves the BEST fish bee hoon in the whole wide world!!!muz go try k pple...e pl is called "xiang kang zhen ji" only e queensway branch serves the best food.-yummy-muz go try!!-thumbs up-we toked so much abt our recent lives...im so glad tt she's doing so well in uni...s in socially haha..dear dnt b greedy ah...-tsktsk-haha..jst follow wat ur heart tells u weneva u nid to mk a decision yupp...ur heart wun lead u to e wrg pl..n i'll be here forever...we'll all grow old tog...hv families outgs wen we hv our own families n frequent hightea sessions wen we bcum tai-tais haha..til e day we die muz die being bestest fwens k? :) i will not ever let go of my bestest fwens...sharon u heard??n all my darling frens out dere...frm auntie,asteebabe,yunx,junz,cindy,lala,cel,sherry, lynette, ashie, amanda, wenny, hannie, aveline dear to ah haox,adeliaswts,blah blah...those who know me...n r my fwens...our fwenships stands forever..nv let go of this special bond btw us k...muz hold on tight..ilove all of you!!
to my lil clique of jc...(yunxie,junx,cindy,lala)hope u gers still rem our j1 yr...haha i miss u all!!!lala n cindy muz study hard k...u can do it one...iloveyas...thou we seldom mt up...u gers r alws held on tightly in e bottom of my heart.i may not hv been a gd fren in e sense tt i dnt mt u gers often but bossie will alws love this lilclique of ours...no matter wer i go.muacks..glad to c cel,lala n cindy punkie outside cj on sat...miss u gers so much!!yunxie thks fer wantg to help me,this com idiot fwen of urs...i rli appreciate it.iloveu ger..for alws..junzzz...u said we muz spend sum quality time tog...pls rem tt yupp... :) love u ger..love ur smile..muacks!
finally..to aveline clownnnnyyyy silllyy darrie...dnt b too sad abt ur pc thg...learn ur lesson n dnt b so forgetful yupp...haha...sorrie wasnt free to mt up w u todae...missu loads..everybody this new fwen of mine is sucha darrie...love her love her... :) brought so much laughter into my new phase of life...dearie we muz endure every hurdle we face in daes ahead tog k??i'll hold onto u...wun let u fall..but if u do..i'll b e shoulder fer u to cry on..see u nxt wk!!
lastly...meetg my dearest ah hao tmr fer a movie...long time since i last saw her..miss her..hope she's doing well in smu.
to suezzie n jan sorrie..will mk up w u gers soon...muacks
to you..sorrie im causing so much misery..hope u'll let it go soon..its 3yrs alr..its time fer u to do so..u know its impossible.u know wat i mean.iloveu n its cos iloveu i cant do wat u wan me too.can u understand?
missing my lucydearie so much...+muacks+
jamie hope ur doing fine in japan...cant wait fer u to b baq nxt yr..do tkcr.loveu alws

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

yoxxie pple..this is my first official blog ehs..be proud of me cos ur fwen here s i said is a TOTAL com idiot haha...todae was long n crappy.first i had soci lect frm 1-4..almost fell aslp.gosh!!it was freaking boring!!-groans-lime mentos was accompanying me thruout e whole lect haha...i dnt like swts but no choice its e only way to keep me awake.gotta say the lecturer wasn't tt fantastic...many of her explanations were too vague gotta say.but s u know me,i'm aint those type who'll qns..mayb tts y i'm alws the last of the pack.but aint questioning too much a burden in life?its like it adds on to our stress levels...sumxs ignorance is rli a blessing.rli...i finally understand the meaning of this phrase.aft soci was econs consultation but it was sucha cock up system!!!!there were so MANY pple tt e admin department like dunno wat to do lors...den they say those who were standg up will hv to wait till 515pm fer e nxt consult.damn bloody cock up lahs.so angry!!!its common sense that a LT tt size cannot hold like 500students?damn dumb!!but lucky got fwens w me...thanks karen,pingx n jennifer.thks fer being my soci mates...we'll endure evthg tt comes our way!!!friends...wat will i be w/o them...i know qte a few pple in sim alr considering aft only 2wks of sch.but i few lonely...only a few r like my real fwens...others are jst hi-bye kinda fwens...its like so superficial?i miss jc in e sense tt true friendships cld b built.we know each other inside out...we r so true to each other.in sim...thou pple r nice n all but there's no time to build our frenship outside curriculum...evryone'll jst say bye aft lect n go their own ways.in a way i guess we're like using each others' company during lect?cos its rli sad to sit alone in lects...i miss all my jc friends.sharon,auntie ong,junz,cindy,ashie,yunx,lala,cel,lynette,sherry n many mnay more.thou me n junz n jac n ashie r in the same sch...we hardly tok.we've gt no chance to do so.sorrie darrs..i'm being a bad fwen...i miss u all...esp junx n ashie.love u gers alws...-hugs-thou i may not be physically dere fer u sumxs...i'll alws hold u in my heart.i'll b dere fer u forever.today was rli glad to c my dear aveline outside my lect hall "studyg"...i was so tired..but seeing her smile brightened me up!thou u nv wait fer me to go to econs consult...i'll forgive u cos u brought so much laughter n sunshine into my life frm e 1st day i know u.thks babieeee....i was glad u were tokg so happily w this guy...dunno his name...but shows tt ur gg forward alr n im rli glad.rem to be strong k!!tmr maths lect im gg to c u!! :) alws here fer you.ur like one of my bestest frn in sim lorsss...hahaha...love u to bits!!!tmr meetg sharon darl n shuying bestie...so long nv c them alr...miss them so much!!!yings's bday cumg...cant wait!!!my bestest fwen's bday is a big thg lorss.fwens...how've u guys been?i miss u...thou we're all busy w our lives...rem i'm still here fer all of u.

to my lil clique...iloveu all so much...missing all of you...

to u-imissu too but i cant say it out...im sorrie

to my family...iloveu..thks fer loving me.jamie i miss u...hope ur well

to lucy my darling ger ger...iloveyou alws!!!

-bossie loves you-

- I guess this is a beautiful mistake too# ;